Getting Old

My, the things that change as you get older. One of the things that just astonished and delighted me is the natural routine that your life begins to fall into, once you don’t have to fit it into somebody else’s schedule. When you don’t have to be someplace everyday at a certain time and remain stuck there until they say it’s time to quit, when you’re free to follow your own desires, it’s amazing what begins to happen. One of the things that still just takes me by surprise is how little planning I have to do anymore, about anything. Things just happen when they’re supposed to, whether it’s paying the bills, or brushing my teeth, or exercising, or indulging myself with lots of sweets, until I’m tired of them, and you don’t do that for a while. My own routine, if you can call it that, includes these basic activities – lots of attempts to sleep as much as possible, because when you’re asleep, you’re unaware of this world, and my dreams are getting better all the time. I would much rather be in my so-called dream state than in this so-called reality. Although it would seem that I spend a lot of time resting, I don’t really think that I’m spending any more time resting than when I had to do it, you know, when it got dark, until the alarm went off and I had to get up and go to work. It was interesting in those years before I quit work, I was finding it harder to sleep at night, and I can see now that this may not be the natural state for us. Sometimes we need to sleep in the middle of the day, especially in hot climates. I see the wisdom now of the afternoon siesta. I always managed to take a short one, while the kids were at recess. I didn’t take the time to talk to colleagues or to phone any parents. I would lie down on the hard floor and cat nap. About two minutes before the bell would go off, I would wake up and get things ready for the kids to come back in the room. I had to have that time, and when I didn’t, the afternoons were very unpleasant for me and everybody else around me. I also find that music is still a huge part of my life. Almost every day, I sing at the player piano, although, again, there is no definite routine. Sometimes I sing everyday, or even two to three times day, and some days I don’t sing at all, but I keep coming back to it, as I have all my life. I guess as long as I have any energy to move in this world, I will keep going to the player piano or record player or CD player, or to the video player, because of those wonderful musical numbers. Music has always been one of the major facets of my being, and the great frustration is this world has been that I just haven’t had the talent that goes along with the love. I’m trusting that this is going to taken care of in the next world. Another thing that I still like to do on a more or less regular basis is exercise. I’ve gone back to swimming and walking, and I do seem to be more energized when I’m exercising. I guess it’s those wonderful endorphins that they tell us about kicking in. I still love to go to movies. I love storytelling, and I realize now that I’ve been a storyteller and a lover of stories all my life. I loved listening to records that told stories when I was a kid, and mom always managed to get stuff that had lots of music in it, because she knew that my brother and I were into music. The radio was very big at one time in my life and, I think, did a lot to sharpen my imagination. I think that any of us that grew up on old-time radio still really miss it. Occasionally I’ll hear an old program and it’s not really as good as I remember, but there was something about the fact that it was strictly auditory and the visual had to take place in your own mind. Another thing I still like to do is eat. It’s interesting because I don’t really seem to care for the really rich and exotic foods like I used to. It’s pretty much roast and vegetables and grilled chicken and sweets. But what joy I still get in this world from what I am eating at the time. That’s why I indulge myself. That’s why if I would rather make a chocolate cake or a batch of fudge and eat the whole thing in one sitting than sit down and eat balanced, nutritious meals, I’ll sit down and have the fudge. My garden is incredibly important in so many ways. I can’t even find the words, really. The garden is a place where I commune with whoever it is we’re communing with. “I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses.” It’s a wonderful old song. I love the colors. I find the older I get, the more weary I am of this gray, colorless world. I think this is why Technicolor movies transported me when I was growing up and why I find, to this day, that an old Technicolor movie from the 40s will send me off into a different world. I am very much aware that I have tried to turn my garden into a Technicolor Fox or MGM musical, with color everywhere and wonderful fragrances and the sound of the water and the birds putting on a show for me, as they fight over the food in one of the feeders, then flit off, to one of the fountains, sometimes to take baths together. I just love to see a group of birds taking a bird bath together. Another activity that comes and goes as it’s supposed to is talking into this tape recorder, and for some reason I always feel when I stop that I’ve been, not at work, because I associate that with having to do something, whether you feel like it or not, but play, pleasurable activity that is also productive in some way.